Good-Bye Junior Year

For my last blog of this school year, I would simply like to reflect on my junior year. This is a follow-up to my last blog about how proud I am about accomplishing so much within the last few months.

August/September 2015

• I attended my 2nd Aloha Dance
• I applied for Senate & MADE IT!
  • I learned how to make posters for the school
  • I started going to more games & attended more events = MORE MEMORIES
  • I improved on my school spirit!

ALOHA 2015

one of the dress up days

October 2015

• I planned a surprise birthday party for my best friend
• I made on of my favorite posters for Bell Week
• I went to Knott’s Scary Farm with my best friend
• Stayed at school until midnight with Senate & ASB to put down all the posters for Bell Week
  • BEST NIGHT EVER
• BELL GAME vs. Edison!

HBD Pauline

Midnight @ school

BELL GAME 2015

November 2015

• My mom and I hosted an at-home wedding for my brother & his wife
  • It was a lot of work, but totally worth it
• My friends took me on a surprise adventure and it was absolutely amazing.

thank you t.t, r.l, b.h, j,n.

December 2015

• My friends took me out on more adventures
• CHISTMAS of course!

January 2016

• Went to more school events
• Helped ASB with the winter assembly
  • This was one of my favorite high school experiences

February 2016

• Tet festival with my friend Dacey
  • We got some great food
• More fun school events
  • TALENT SHOW was amazing

thank you girls.

March 2016

• I went to Sunken City with my friends Thinh and Bryant
• I also went on an adventure to San Diego with my sister and Pauline

thank you boys.

thank you best friend.

7:40 PM

April 2016

• More school events and making new friends, like Audrey!
• I went to MOLAA for my Spanish culture project
• Baron Games (:
• I went to a baseball game with my brother’s family

May 2016

• Not that great of a month because of all the testing
• I applied for ASB, but didn’t make it
• I celebrated my birthday at Universal Studios with my best friend, my sister, and her boyfriend
• I went to Corona for a Hawaiian themed birthday party with my best friend and her family

Wow, that was a great trip down memory lane. Looking back at all I’ve done, I am truly happy I have been going through with my goal: to make new memories and try something new each month. It’s been a blast, the past couple of months and I can’t wait to make even more memories this summer.

I’d like to thank everyone who has come and/or go this year because everyone has impacted my life one way or another. Thank you to those who have helped me through this stressful year.

Good-bye Junior Year. It’s been great.

Hello summer & hello senior year, I’m ready for you.

 

Proud

For the past few years, my life has been consisted of strict rules, same-old routines, and a sad me. I was starting to think my life was pointless if I was born to follow the same exact path as everyone else: go school, go to work, have a family, and sooner or later, die. I don’t like living a dull life. I’m not saying my entire life, so far, is boring. . .just the majority of it. So when 2016 started, I wanted to break the rules, change up my routines, and make myself happier.

Throughout my entire life, I have been following all the rules set by my parents. I’ve broken rules before, but in January 2015, I did something that changed everything. It wasn’t anything serious, but it’s just too personal to share. Since the day I got in trouble for what I did, I started to distance myself from my family because I felt like a disappointment. I don’t regret what I did because it was a lesson and I actually had fun. But this pride died down when I realized home didn’t really feel like home anymore. I went back to following the rules and my life got boring again.

By October 2015, I started to spend time with people who helped me heal. I started lying to go out again. I understand that lying is bad, but I needed a change in my life before I went crazy because sitting in the same room for hours, is not living. My friends took me out to places I’ve never been, showed me things I’ve never seen, and helped me with things my family couldn’t help me with.

thank you Pauline.

thank you t.t, r.l, b.h, j,n.

When I am in one place for too long and am there every day, I get tired of it. When I do the same thing every day, over and over again, it feels like I’m replaying the most boring movie ever. So I tried to fit in something fun after a long week of school. Ever since 2016 started, I changed up my schedule. I tried to go out every other weekend. I had one goal in mind: to do as much in one month as I could. This was one of the most difficult goals I set for myself because it’s always been hard to convince my parents to let me go out, but I managed. This was also one of the most fun challenges I’ve taken on because when I do go out, I make the best memories with the best people.

thank you Senate&ASB.

thank you girls.

thank you boys.

thank you best friend.

Ever since 2016 started, I set goals for myself and I have been accomplishing so much. So I’m glad to say that I am very proud of myself. I may be sorry for lying to my family, but this is my life, and I need to start living it; if not now, then when?

Since 2016 started, I’ve been focusing on myself and truly living. It’s only May and I have done so much, so I am looking forward to all the amazing memories to come.

New People

When I was younger, I was a very, very, very shy girl. My first time meeting new people was when I first started school. I would cry because my mom would leave me and head to work. I stand by myself and did not want to approach everyone because I was scared of them like they were monsters. I kept to myself most of the time.

Of course I had friends during my preschool and kindergarten years, but it was mostly because teachers had to encourage others to come up to me instead. Then one day, I met a very kind girl.

It was my first time in elementary school and my mom was about to leave for work. She let me sit at a bench near other students, but I ran after her and started crying and clinging on to her because I was scared. I was probably still in my separation anxiety stage, but I was also still scared of meeting new people. But that changed when Tammy La came up to me with the biggest smile on her face.

She grabbed my hand, walked me back to the bench, and sat down next to me. She was one of the smartest first graders I’ve met. She introduced herself and started to explain that my mom would come back later. That’s when I knew I made a friend; I felt safe.

unsplash

As I got older, I learned to appreciate people. They weren’t monsters, they were just like me; human. I am better at introducing myself to people because what is there to lose? I love all my friendships because they are so important to me.

It’s the second most important support group in everyone’s life. Because who do you go to when your family can’t help you? Who do you go to when you want to have fun? Your friends! Building friendships is necessary for a person and it may seem scary because everyone might seem intimidating at first, but try to get to know them! I was scared to talk to most of the friends I have now, but I’m so glad I had the guts to introduce myself because I love my friends.

So if you’re a shy person, you’ll eventually get out of that bubble one day and learn that you have to meet a lot of people in order to find the people who are most similar to you. Once you find your friends, trust me, you’ll be so happy and thankful.

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Thank you to every person who has come into my life even if you’re not really around. You’ve impacted my life in some sort of way and helped shape me into the person I am today.

Remember What You Told Yourself Eight Years Ago?

All throughout elementary school I was told to be “zero tolerant.” I was told to resist peer pressure and to never let it define your decisions. Every year the teachers would show us VHS videotapes of the effects of smoking cigarettes on the pixelated screen of the big, bulky black T.V.  The teachers would constantly tell us how forbidden drinking and driving was, and about its potentially devastating outcomes. Abstinence against smoking, drinking, or any drugs was tremendously emphasized and so enforced since we were so young, and we all ate up what they fed us.

But what about now?

Now, I know more people who drink than I know the capitols of every state in this country. When I stand from the gate of the school, I can point out numerous amounts of people who have gone to a party, gotten high, or wasted. In every crowded room I sit in, I always hear a group of people talking about what happened at Saturday night’s kick back, or how “lit” they were at the last dance. I’m surrounded by this kind of lifestyle no matter where I go, no matter how hard I try to avoid it.

What happened to the mentality of abstaining from any bad influence? Weren’t we all once before determined to stay sober?

I, among very few people, have never been under any kind of influence. I was taught to treat my body right, and to always make the right decisions, and remaining sober is what I believe is best for me. I want to follow what I’ve always truly believed in, and it’s sad to see how some people have strayed from what they’ve always promised themselves. Of course, people change over time and they change how they make decisions, but I just always hoped that zero tolerance was something that would be continually practiced.

Are you willing to destroy your liver drink by drink? Are you willing to destroy your brain cells? Or your natural levels of dopamine and hormones? Are you willing to put yourself in a situation where your judgement is clouded and where you’re vulnerable?

No pill, drink, or blunt is worth any of this.

Despite how much I am against drinking or smoking, I still believe that just because people make bad decisions, it doesn’t make them bad people. The only thing I want most for people who are deciding to drink or smoke, is for them to do things safely and smartly. My concern for people’s safety is the only thing that sets me against being under the influence. Make all the bad decisions you want- just make sure you know what you’re doing.

I hope in the future when you are in the situation to decide whether or not to drink or smoke, remember the consequences. Remember the things you told yourself you would never do. Remember how you need to put your safety before anything else.

 

More Money, More Problems

What do you desire most? New clothes? A new Macbook? How about that dream school of yours?

Everything that most people dream of requires money to obtain it, and once we obtain it we feel resolved, happy, and content.

Money can solve a lot of problems without a doubt. It can provide new books and learning materials for children in third world countries. Money can pay off the large amounts of student loan debt you’ve been paying off for ten years. Money can provide food, a place to call home, and a car to help you commute. However, that’s only if you have the privilege.

That’s not the case for those who don’t even have enough money to eat two meals a day everyday. This is the other half. Money creates more problems than it solves for these people.

What kind of problems does money create?
Although money can solve suffering for some, it creates suffering for most. Money is the main reason for greed, poverty and suffering of the poor.

“Well, what you doing this kind of work for – against your own people?”
“Three dollars a day. I got damn sick of creeping for my dinner- and not getting it. I got a wife and kids. We got to eat. Three dollars a day, and it comes every day.”
“That’s right,” the tenant said. “But for your three dollars a day fifteen or twenty families cant eat at all. Nearly a hundred people have to go out and wander on the roads for your three dollars a day. Is that right?”

-Grapes of Wrath, Steinbeck P. 37

For the little people who do make enough money to live, there are more who don’t. In the Grapes of Wrath, the man earned his wealth by destroying the tenants’, and running over their farms with tractors. Although he escaped suffering, more people began to suffer. If it weren’t for the money the man was going to earn, he wouldn’t have caused this in the first place, and this only comes to show man’s greed and the people’s suffering caused by money. In most situations, such as this one, more money is lost than earned and this is what creates so many problems.

These mothers instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ all their time in strolling to beg sustenance for their helpless infants: who as they grow up either turn thieves for want of work, or leave their dear native country to fight for the pretender in Spain, or sell themselves to the Barbadoes. 

– A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift

Mothers are forced to beg on the streets, and her children will be forced to steal, serve in the army, or sell themselves due to their desperation to live. This problem presented by Swift is still prevalent in the poor ghettos of urban cities today. Because the people living in these ghettos, in both societies, have no money in any shape or form, they are forced to suffer, and to make a living by any way they can. In the ghettos of South Central LA, young adults have no other means of making money other than stealing, selling drugs, or joining gangs. This kind of suffering and crime is the result from the absence of money, which is caused by the fact that it’s impossible to get a job or professionally make money. Because the people living in these ghettos do not have the kind of wealth the upper class does, they’re more concerned with trying to make money just to eat more than they are with their education, which is a huge factor in being hired for a job. This concept applies to the poverty-stricken society Jonathan Swift is writing about.

Recent research has shown that a side-effect of globalisation is the increase in demand for child labour, through the fast-paced growth of an export industry that requires millions of workers at the lowest price. In a country like China, poor children and young adults from rural areas are available by the hundreds of millions… a very tempting source of cheap labour.

–Child Labor in China, Factories, and Child Trafficking

America, the country which bases its goods on cheap child labor, is also a contributor to the suffering of the poor. Our country provides jobs for the many desperate, poor people, or should I say children, of China. Knowing these laborers will take any job they can find to support their families, we pay them a few cents an hour to get the most out of our buck. We create suffering for the many children who would be willing to slave for a few cents. The greedy manufacturing industry prevents the children from escaping poverty and suffering by paying them unfair, low salaries, and keeping the money to themselves.

As long as currency exists, societies will never have equal privileges. There will be those who thrive off of it, but there will always be the ones who suffer to obtain it. It may benefit some people and solve their problems, but remember the suffering, greed, and poverty it causes the rest of the world.

The Importance of Being Bored

Just recently, the idea of boredom was discussed in my English class and there was a huge variety of answers. Some claimed that boredom was amazing and actually kept them distracted and entertained, while some claimed that boredom was the worst thing that anyone can experience.

To me, boredom is probably one the greatest things to experience. Being a crazy and adventurous person, there are plenty of times where after I do something, I get extremely bored because there’s nothing else to do anymore. And this is when the magic happens. The boredom kicks in and my thoughts and ideas go into overtime. When I’m bored, the brainstorming starts and this is where my  next adventure begins.

Being bored also allows me to actually get away from things like my phone or laptop. Nowadays, I seem to realize that whenever I get bored I whip out my phone and immediately go on my skateboarding game. After the discussion in class, I realized that I should refrain from using technology when I get bored. Just a few years ago, I had no phone and no laptop and I had so many more adventures and ideas then I have now, and I realized that this isn’t right. Becoming older and more independent, I should actually be having more fun and enjoying my high school years more, instead of watching endless hours of YouTube and wasting my time.

Not only do I see this in my situation, but I also see this problem with my little cousins. I remember when I was a younger and the best thing I had to keep me entertained was my own imagination. Nowadays, every single one of my cousins, whether 3 years old to 21 years old, all have iPad, iPhone, tablets, or some sort of device that distracts them. Sure having one of these devices is helpful and handy, but many don’t like to go outside anymore and just have fun.

Overall, being bored is one of my favorite positions to be in. It allows me to think and just have crazy ideas that I can later turn into reality.

 

Dear Me

Dear Past Elaine,

You’re going to grow up and live a very trying life. Things are going to get hard and you’re going to want to give up every single day.

But don’t.

Once you overcome all those tough obstacles in your life, you’ll realize how all those experiences were worth it to become the person you are today.

I know it’s getting harder and harder to breathe.

I know you’re struggling on holding onto that last shred of happiness.

I know you’ve been crying in your sleep for the past few months.

And I know all these things has happened to you because I went through it and I’m alive.

Remember that time you lost all your friend that one year? You through something was wrong with your because never had you been so lonely?

Spoiler alert : You’re going to be blessed with knowing these certain people in your life later on.

Dear Future Elaine,

Never give up.

Know your goal and go for it, don’t procrastinate and “fuck it” through life because that’s just not how it goes.

Sure, take some risks every now and then with decisions but know a plan.

You’ve only got this one life to live, and you spent a good amount of it crying away.

You have this bright future ahead of you and I want to see you succeed. I want to see you smiling so hard your cheekbones start to feel intense pain.

You’ve gone through so much pain, your life is bound to bring you some content soon.

Please, love yourself. Learn to do so. Compliment yourself everyday. Smile at your complexion. And maybe one day, someone will love you the way you’ll soon love yourself.

 

 Dear Present Elaine,

I am so proud of you.

You’ve grown up to be someone I’d never thought you’d grow up to be. In fact, I even feared not too long ago that I wouldn’t be able to see you grow up. I’m so glad you didn’t give up.

Keep doing you, because being you is the best thing you can do.

Love,

Elaine H.

 

Exploring & Living

There’s something thrilling about exploring the beautiful world around me. There’s something special about being outside and going to new places. Exploring gives me a taste of life, helps me discover myself, and shows me the purpose of living.

There’s something wonderful about that: exploring and living.

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I woke up bright and early to beat the traffic to get to San Diego. There was no way I was going to waste a precious second of this one-day trip with my sister and my best friend. I could barely take a nap in the car because I was too excited.

Our first stop was the Birch Aquarium. The different exhibits had many beautiful sea creatures swimming through the water. It was so interesting all I could hear around me were “oooh”, “aaahh”, “this is so cool!”. I felt like a kid again. It reminded me of the field trips I took during my elementary school years. Strolling through this aquarium made me realize there are so many fascinating things outside of a classroom.

There were also tide pools outside the aquarium and what’s cool about these was that you were allowed to touch the sea creatures! This is something technology can’t even provide us and that’s what I love about it.

I enjoy the fact that I could learn about things without being in a stuffy classroom. I also love the fact that I could get a hands on experience and feel like a stress-free kid again.

Our next stop was UCSD. This one is actually for my best friend, Pauline. This was one of her dream schools so I thought it would be good to explore the campus. The whole time we were there, I didn’t really see a future for me there because it was such a hard school to get into, but it was a good experience being on the campus and getting the feel of what college will be like. I was just lost in thought. It’s not going to be long before we graduate from high school and go our separate ways. I guess I at least got to say I went to college with my best friend, but not really. I just hope the best for her and I hope to see her land a spot at UCSD because it seems like a great school for her.

looking up at our futures, together

Our third stop was La Jolla/Children’s Pool Beach. This was one of my favorite experiences.  First, the view was breathtakingly amazing.

Second, we got to hang out with some seals! It’s not everyday that people get to experience this.

Last but not least, the time I love the most. When the sun slowly sets and the city lights illuminate. We had to walk a long way to get to the ferry that would take us to Coronado Island. What I love about traveling across water is the breeze that touches my skin.

I sat on a bench, alongside my sister and Pauline, and waited for the perfect picture. As I sat there, I just took it all in. The water, the air, the palm trees, the buildings, the people, and me. I felt alive. My legs were tired from walking all day, but that was okay. I was a bit cold, but that was okay too. I was breathing and that’s all that mattered.

6:40 PM

With all the stress piled on top of me from home and school, I never really thought what life is about. I used to think life was useless because we are born, we go to school, we go to work, we get old, and then we die. Adventures like this one, shows me that life is worth living because there is so much to explore out there. Adventures give my life a purpose and makes me feel like I have something to live for.

So to end my day with the view of San Diego’s skyline from Coronado Island, I know that I lived that day like it was my last and that’s the point of living: making the best out of every moment.

7:40 PM

I encourage everyone to travel or just go on adventures. It’s become something that I have fallen in love with. If I’m at home and have nothing to do, I crave excitement. If I don’t get to go on an adventure, it feels as if I’ve wasted a day of my life.

I have a lot of places I want to go, but I get to check San Diego off my bucket list. (:

 

 

Self Identity

 

In kindergarten I knew I was a girly girl. I loved anything that was pink, my favorite Disney Princess was Cinderella, and I loved to play with my large collection of Barbies. I knew who I was and I wasn’t afraid to express myself, but that was until someone pointed out how girly I was when I was in third grade. I became self conscious.

In the middle of third grade, my personality completely changed. I felt like my love for anything pink, pretty, and frilly was becoming too overbearing and too obvious and I wanted to change that. I went on the internet for the first time, and there I discovered what was called “scene” or “emo.” The neon colors on big hair and black clothes attracted me, and to this day I still don’t know why. I was too scared to change how I looked, so I just looked up videos and pictures on the emo culture, in deep infatuation.

Eventually in fourth and fifth grade, I finally had the guts to wear what I’ve always been wanting to wear. I cut my hair, I started wearing more black, including black jackets, pants, sweatbands, gloves, and I bought a variety of studded belts in numerous colors. I discovered a multitude of rock bands that I listened to daily and worshiped. Just when I started to believe that this was who I really was, I realized that I missed the pink I used to surround myself with. I missed wearing dresses and playing house with my friends and playing with Barbies. I felt like I had become too extreme of something again, too obvious. Although I really did enjoy emo culture, I knew that it wasn’t who I was.

I struggled to find myself again.

Going into sixth grade, I went through an incredibly tough time with my family. The family was on the brink of separation, and I was on the brink of depression. My low self esteem, family stress, added with self identity issues really hit me hard.

I’ve always been into fashion and expressing myself with the clothes I wear, but during this time I completely gave up. I gave up on school, myself, and trying to look for the positives. It got better by a little in the next few years, but I was still asking myself, “Who am I?”

When I entered high school, everything turned itself around. I met friends who had the same interests and who loved to make me laugh, and who I loved to make them laugh.  I joined a club that really helped me discover what I loved doing and what I was really passionate about. And most importantly, I gave my heart to someone special, who always keeps me grounded, who reminds me of who I really am, and who changed me for the better. All of these factors contributed to molding me and helping me discover my true self and what I wanted in life.

Finding yourself can be hard. Unimaginably hard.

We spend the first 10 years of our life knowing who we are. You know what attracts you, what qualities you have, and you’re not afraid to speak your mind and be yourself. But eventually we become lost again. You start to develop a sense of what you can or can’t do, and you begin to restrict yourself from doing things you used to as a carefree child. We are then introduced to new personalities, new interests, and new people. Because we’re exposed to so many different people, we become overwhelmed with what we want and who we want to be.

We’re constantly told to be ourselves, but it’s nearly impossible if we don’t even know who we are.

But eventually through your experiences and the people that come and go in your life, you develop a sense of discovering yourself. Life will shape and mold you into your true self, and the journey through finding self identity will finally pay off.

I discovered that I am not a girly girl, I am not an emo, and I am not a nobody.

I am Elaine.

 

Letting It..Move On

I remember growing up as a kid and arguing with my uncle about having “my turn” with a specific toy-the red Power Ranger action figure to be exact.

“It’s my turn to play!”

“No! It’s mine!”

In the end, he always got the win because I was the younger one and needed to be “respectful.” To this day, I’m still bummed on not being able to play with that red Power Ranger.

However, that day did teach me a valuable lesson on letting go. How although at that point in time, there was something I really wanted, I had to let it go in order to make someone else happy.

Quote by Eckhart Tolle

 

But then I grew up.

At this age in my life, being 17 and all, I learned that there are something I just can’t let go of.

I learned that letting something go isn’t always tangible. 

And I also learned that letting things go, won’t always make me happy.

Take feelings as an example.

A feeling for a friend, family, or even a (ex)-lover.

I had two best friends during my freshmen year in high school. We were the tightest of friends-people even considered us sisters whenever we hung out together. But like they all say, “good things must come to an end” and that’s what happened. My two best friends who promised never to leave me-left.

I had no idea how to cope with this idea of letting them leave my life as if the past years with them had meant nothing.

But that’s where I went wrong.

Yes, letting go of my two best friends at the time was probably the most heart-breaking thing I had felt at the time, but I also remembered that even though I’m letting the two people I loved the most go-doesn’t mean I have to let go of the memory.

All the photos we took, all the volunteer work we did together, the pranks, the retreats, basically all the hours I spent with them didn’t leave with them.

They will forever be engraved inside my head, replaying like a little movie scene until the day I die. And every now and then, I like to pause the scene to make room for the other memories I have with my new friends. But the memory of the Amy and Tina will never be forgotten.

That’s when I learned, letting go isn’t always the best thing but it’s not the worst thing ever either-because sometimes you’re going to have to let go…..

to move on.